Remember being a bright eyed little kid thinking about how great it would be to grow up? I had always imagined my life down to the very simplest of details: where I would live, who I would marry, how many kids, what I would do, and all the friends I would have. What a waste. My life isn't bad now, but it is absolutely nothing like I had ever pictured it. Part of this is my own fault, but mostly it's because of the disillusion we all come to know so well with age. Turns out, most of the people in my life didn't care for me as I did for them. I no longer speak or see the people who used to mean so much to me. And that thought is depressing. I mean the simple answer would be to just reach out to them and see how they are. With things like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook I should be really close to them, right? Just because we witness events in people's lives doesn't mean we are a part of them. I have never felt more distant from loved ones than when seeing news feed posts of friends and family. In many ways it's worse, because not only are you not close anymore, you literally watch them move on from you. Now I'm not so naive as to think that "social media" lives are anything even remotely accurate because we always exaggerate the good and sweep the bad under the rug. (Yet another course objective in Never let them see you bleed 101.) But still! Life has a way of violently murdering the dreamer out of you, at least for me it has. What I'm really trying to say is: Why do we invest so much time and energy in relationships just to let it go and never bother with it again? Was I that horrible of a friend? Is your life better without me? Or have we all just given up on having more than one or two meaningful relationships? The most famous answer I've heard is, "Well, I just don't have time anymore," but let's be honest shall we? If something matters enough to you, then you will make time for it. If you don't have time for it that means there are 24 hours and 365 days worth of things that matter to you more than me. And that is what hurts the most.
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What I've always wanted to say
AuthorD.A. Crane. |